one. one one. oneone

can i have u as my bday gift? :'(

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~lost the moon while busy counting the stars~

have you ever feel you want something so bad?
but you just can't grab it.
you can't even neither touch it nor hold it.
it was your dream since you learn what life is all about.
but, because of your silly mistakes,
u have to let it go.
you have to completely shut down your intention.
its hurt.
really.
when you want something, and you know you can have it, but you just can't because of your mistakes.
what to do.
i have to bear the brunt rite?
after all, its all starting from me.
and now i know i have to forget it.
sorry.
i hope Allah will show me the correct path,
and please Dear Lord, protect and guide me along the straight path.

~life is like a roller coaster~

i was assigned to be an invigilator for yesterday, but i have many things jumble up in my mind, to cut it short i totally forgot.

i supposed to come one hour early before the paper start.

but yesterday, my bad day, i was late to work.

i reach there when they already half an hour started their paper,

without knowing what paper it was.

it was English!

ahaha.

don't know why, but i think they choose the wrong person.

I am totally at the wrong place, and wrong time!

my English is not so good.

no, its not good at all.

u can read it here, it was damn freaking broken English.

when i enter the hall, the chief invigilator staring at me, with the weird look.

i can tell.

maybe she taught i am student, and i was thirty minutes late for the paper.
i also cant believe who am i now.
going down a memory lane, I've learn. a lot.
and, i am grateful to Allah for gave me the opportunity to be in this community.
what else can i ask for.
there were so many upside down, before i can reach here.
ive been broken, and bent.
but i know i have to stay strong.
Allah is a better planner, and He know best.
but sometimes, i just cant endure.
all the perseverance.
sometimes, i was asking, why this, why there.
and i know it is wrong, to question what has been fated.
do you ever run when u have a problems?
i do.
many times.
and i know it wont solve any things.
i used to let go my career.
i used to run away from everyone.
i used to neglect myself.
but, thanks, i dodged the bullet.
cant figure out what will happen next,
but ill sit back and enjoy the ride!
well, it is life, rite, n life is like a roller coasters!

~happy malaysia day!~

16th Sept 2011.
i am very happy.
on the behalf of my little charming friend.
she is happily married to mr arqam.
finally, alhamdulillah.
rejoicing on the day.
spending time with Hyppo's.
words cant explained how grateful i am,
for having them as friends.
time really flies, we've been together since last 5 years.
going back to the memory lane,
i would never expect we'll stick together, till today.
no matter what, i know they will always there.
i've been bent and broken, many times,
but they are pillar of my strength.
of course my Lord and family comes first,
but i really love them like sisters.
When it hurts to look back, and scared to look forward because unsure what future holds, i can look beside me, n i am pretty sure they right there, for me.
Most people walk in and out of my life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in my heart.

to aen : selamat pengantin baru.

~"To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy..."~

happy..
spending time with the girls..
they used to be pillar of my strength..
and i know they will always be..

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~empty, kosong, nil, sifar = 0~

~journey of life~

ready to let go.
sometimes, u are not weak to just letting go.
but you are strong enough to start a brand new.
when u are willing to surrender something that is just good enough,
you will always find something better.
Just do believe in Him.
Enjoy the journey of life,
and remember, its not the end that matter..
it's the journey.
calm down and enjoy the ride.

this weekend marks two weeks of Ramadhan.
its not too late to wish happy fasting for all Muslim out there.
its still count rite?
Hope Allah accept our prayer, and all good deeds.
InsyaAllah.

~didnt think~

Its been getting better
I think
But it's empty
Maybe im trying
Trying too hard
We're empty

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~Ya Rahman Ya Rahim~

Ya Rabbul Quddus,

No matter how strong my love for him,

I am asking You to take away this feeling,

If he was fated not to be mine..

But if he is made for me,

I am asking You to strengthen this love,

As long as not exceeding my love for You.

Amin.

~say hello to goodbye~

no more after this.
luckily it was not disappointing.
really enjoy the last HP, yes, no more after this.
what can i concluded is don't judge anyone.
he @ she might tend to look bad, but dont jump into conclusion.
there must be a reasons why he@ she to be that way.
going to miss the "stupefy! expelliarmus! silencio!"
not to forget, the 9 3/4 platform.
i really wish, i can go to hogwarts!

~don't hold postmortems~

they said..

"life is unfair. get used to it."

me said..

paused.
i don't know.
i am stuck in the middle of the dark tunnel.
waiting for the light to come.

but i do believe.
that every moment in life is a picture you had never seen before and which you will never see again.

so,
enjoy your lived life.

xoxo.

"Dengan nama Allah aku serahkan jiwaku,hartaku dan agamaku kepadaMu.
Ya Allah ya tuhanku,jadikan ak redha dgn keputusanMU,berikalnlah keberkatan terhadap apa yang telah ditakdirkan kpd diriku sehingga ak tiada lagi menginginkan penyegeraan apa yang Engkau tundakan dan tidak pula penundaan trhdp apa yang Engkau segerakan."

~gone~

..And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase..

~its holiday!~

just went back from pengerang..
kak anis is happily married to anas.
happy for her..
but i just dont know why, what possesed me on earth the moment i step in to the bride's room, seeing kak anis in the wedding dress make my eyes watering..
maybe the rejoices.
i dont know..
seeing some one close to me going to the next phase in her life..
just touched..
maybe im that type of person kot..
cembeng.

~be careful what you wish for~

Ive made up my mind.
I hope Allah will make it easier for me.
Grant me some strength Ya Allah.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
just stay calm and relax.
Be positive.
Dear Allah,
Do reminds me on the things i tend to neglect.
everything seems crumbling down right nown.
i know i have to stay strong.

~there are some things in life u cannot compromise~

Hi.
I am blogging from the company laptop, so there are no photo for this post.
I don't know whats going wrong inside myself, but seems facebook is no longer can bring amusement to me.
thinking off other activities that can fill my spare time.
first, ever think of learning guitar. but i don't want to do it half way.
plus, i don't think it can suit me well.
so, no guitar lesson.
then, think of beach vacation.
sunbathing. snorkeling.
but will think it back when i have enough money.
for the time being, just keep it as a dream.
there is another thing i wanna do..
actually i keep it since early of this year.
but i think i didn't find courage to do that.
if i want to do it, i have to do it alone.
maybe because of money and time constraints, so i have to stop dreaming about it as well.
i already do the first step, so all i need to do is wait and just wait.
there are many stuffs need to handle as we aging.
sometimes i think i wanna ask my brain to stop thinking.
just do what i wanna do without think the consequences.
it just i think too much.
sometimes, its okay to oversee things, but sometimes it makes me sick.
it makes u overdo it or wasting your time thinking about unnecessary things.
and you overlook things that you really need to care about.
maybe i was born to be that type of person, banyak fikir.
cant avoid it.
i always thinking about the outcome, what will be, why this way and not that way bla bla bla..
some friends try to make me on track again, they always said just let things be. go with the flow.
but i can't.
i am afraid of letting people down.
i think too much and sometimes its annoying.
its just insecure feeling.
life is like gambling anyway.
you may either rejoice or regret.

~thank you Allah~

We asked for strength..

and God gave us difficulties to make us strong..

We asked for wisdom..

and God gave us problems to solve..

We asked for prosperity..

and God gave us a brain and brawn to work.

We asked for courage..

and God gave us obstacles to overcome.

We asked for love..

and God gave us trouble people to help..

We asked for favors..

and God gave us opportunities..

We received nothing we wanted...

but we received everything we needed..

p/s btw, happy teacher's day

~life unexpected~

today is the hoye day.

we are going for a trip.

educational trip to a chocolate factory somewhere in serdang.

depart in the morning, which means i have to wake up earlier than usual.

spent about fifty bucks there.

getting 1 kg almond choco for fitry, of course.
he was absolutely crazy about chocolate.

then, buy some for house mates and my own self.

learnt about the process of the chocolate making.

"basically there are four main ingredients to make a chocolate..

cocoa mass, milk, sugar, cocoa butter..yada yada yada..."

didn' pay so much attention to the officer in charge.

as in my mind is jumble up with so many things need to care about.

its still a long journey to go through.

i think, I've tried, I've tried as much as i can..

but i think that's not enough.

but maybe its the sparks.

no, its just me. myself. and I.

try harder.

if not, ill suck myself just like the caterpillar in the cocoon.

sometimes, we need challenge in life.

we will soon discerned that we learn through that.

things that didn't kill you just make you become stronger don't you?

~Adrenaline rush!~

i am driving to work this morning.

a bit earlier than usual.

nothing weird, just ordinary routine.

but then, something happened.

i almost knocked by a bus.

right in front of my working place.

the guard saw the incident.

i just act normally, but deep inside only Allah knows.

the guard stopped me, and scold me!

he start nagging around..

its not a hard feeling, yet i am touched with the concerns and doubts.

he scolds me like a father would scolds her daughter if the daughter drove dangerously.

really reminds me to my abah.

i am running on a tightly budget, so i didn't go back to my hometown often.

what to do.

to the pakcik guard, thanks a lot for your concern.

and your advice.

only Allah can rewards you for your kindness.

be nice to others. what you give, you get back. life is like a wheel, remember? its not always you at the top.

~eat to live @ live to eat?~

random places.

random time.

random people.

but sharing one mission.

its makan time.