~its the time!!~

yeeha. finally, its arrived.

yes, today is the end of December 2010, which marks the end of 2010.

now is the time for me to list down my new year's resolution.

hope i will be able to achieve all the wish in the list within 2011 .

Amin.

My new year's resolution:

1- i will not associate myself with anyone who do not appreciate and understand what is friendship all about. wont be bothered anymore. pergi main

jauh2.

2- try to be more stronger. no more crying. bila hari hujan, nak drive-crying. happy- crying. honored - crying. sad- lagi la teriaq. i just did not know when were the times that i am not crying. so,from now on, cry less smile more..

3- saving more. (wish i can) as i am really broke right now. at least 2 accounts for saving and one account for tabung haji for my parents.

4- travel. holiday. (domestic or oversea)

5- trying to spent more times with my amazing gf. miss u all. big time. really. black hyppo.

6- reads more.

7- will take a very good care of my dearest yuki. (wash/vacuum = every week. polish, wax = every month. service =on time)

8- trying to be a good employee. i wish i will be loved by others. (as i am the youngest in the department..eheh)

9- doing some charity works.

10- trying to be a good muslim.

miss the black hyppo damn much!

Thats all that i can think for now. will update later if i think any.

~when nothing i do seems so right~

hehe..

congrats! Malaysia boleh! yup. Malaysia can do it. proud to be Malaysian.

Malaysia boleh, why can't i?

see, everyone can do it.

nothing cant be solved.

i know i can do it.

but i choose not to do it.

maybe i choose to hang on to what I have.

Changes need time. nothing would change anything unless my heart and mind wants to.

I think I am stronger enough but I soon discern that this is very hard to go through.

i just don't know.

I wish I can sleep well and when i wake up, i don't remember anything. But i know i couldn't.

There's a time in your life that you will feel miserable, nothing u do seems right.

i know this thing will affect me sooooooo dramatically.

it can be devastating.

but, luckily things are going pretty good at work this week.

we go jalan2 at mid during working time..shhh..

but its only this week, as next week and coming days is not a freedom day anymore.

a little bit regret because i didn't fully used the freedom like my friend did.

she log in to work, then she went out jalan2. only coming back during lunch hour, then at 3 log out balik rumah. interesting ey?

me?

log in at 73+ or sometimes 74+, then sitting quietly in the office, alone at my level.

doing all the works till i get sleepy. 12.00 going to lunch.

after asar prayer, log out. then, starting to face the crawling traffic at federal highway.

my every days routine for this week.

but, i bump into him yesterday!

i understand that someone asking the PA for my email. is that u?lalala..

that maybe a sign for me to come to work early.

is it?

things happen because they were meant to be. as narrated in the Quran, " ... (God is) the originator of the heavens and the earth. When He decides on something, He just says it, "Be!" and it is. "

hope can see u later.

~the sky is not always clear~

I have a friend, named Philo.

she had gone through the most difficult circumstances in her life, including culminating in her husband.

its not been easy, no doubt. she almost giving up on life, almost committing suicide.

but, it was 35 years back.

Now, she is a brand new Philo, a determined and a strong women I've ever meet.

I've learnt a lot from her.

No problem in this world that can't be settle. everything has it own solution.

If you feel like giving up on life, come back to the roots, to the basic. Return to Him. Pray to God, and you will feel better. He is always by your side. Believing in God's love.

Always remember that we always can overcome the calamity that had befalled for us.

God will never burdened us with somethings that we can't bear. He knows we can, thats why he is testing us.

no fatigue, no disease, no sorrow, no sadness, no hurt, no distress, befalls a muslim even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn but that Allah explates some of his sins for that..

you might have to hang in there no matter what brings you down.

no matter how much broken it was,things will get better.

Things that didn't kill you just make you stronger.

if you think that you can't stand it anymore, try to find someone that you can count on. a person that you can talk to. and for certain people, they might think that it's much easier to spill to a stranger.

Life breaks us all, but in the end, we are stronger in the broken place.

For those who almost giving up on life, just hang in there.

remember that you deserve to be alive.

Life is not always beautiful.

After hurricanes, comes a rainbow.

~happy birthday daddy~

Happy born day daddy..

Daddy advice me something.: "jangan bawak kereta laju2 kakngah"..

i know..sometimes i lost my sense of control..especially when i feel miserable..I supposed not to let anything overtake myself..i just cant help..I admit sometimes i let my feeling control myself.and it really put me in danger..i try to behave after this..No more exceed the limit..i just love u..love u both ibu n abah..who didnt love their parent kan? everyone do..

After what you have sacrificed for the very best of my life, i know this is the time for me to repay..All the hardships..its not easy..thank Lord..You grant me some strength for me to move on..if its not because of my parent, i know i wouldn't be here.. not in where the places I am right now..Thanks for your moral support, financial support, your love..and everything

Everything is on my own as I age. everything is not easy. I have to shoulder everything. I wish that I can be someone that my parent can rely on. I want to ease their burden, help my siblings since we are not from the rich family. Seems like everything is start to fall into places now. Just follow with the flow. only times will tell.

~whatever you give to life, it gives you back. Do not hate anybody. The hatred which comes out from yourself will someday comeback to you. Love others. And love will come back to you~

~hush~

thinking off getting new cosmetic product for myself.

Za maybe..SK2?

no, mary kay..

hush. stop it E.

missing. a big time. i don't think i can. hurt.

please, open up your eyes. open up your heart. do not follow what your mind says.

move on E.

if you have a dream, go after it.

~face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. prepare for the future without fear. keep faith and drop the fear. don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs. life is wonderful, if you know how to live it.~

~petrify~

one day..

me: where to buy the car lipstick?

anonymous: Maybelline.

ok fine. I was literally dumb-struck! i am very frustrated today. what on earth possessed them to get me that. petrified. what have i done wrong. many scratch on my car! thats not only one or two scratch there! whole body of my car! i have no clue why they do this. sangat sakit hati. what goes around comes around. what you gives you get back. stupido. hell. gtg. wanna find where can i get the car lipstick to remove the scratch. no, it cant remove. its not the light scratch. but, whats wrong if we give a try rite? tak cuba tak tau..if the scratch can be hide pon its been a relieve da for me..its an eyesore seeing the scratch! really take my mood away..wtfish

~right side.front door~

~right side, back door~

~left side front door~

~left side, back door~

~left upper side at the back door~

~the long scratch from the front to back~

~my dearest yuki~

~the most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don't understand yourself~

~live life to the fullest!~

tired.get busy with work.

everything need to be settle on time. everything is new to me. everything is like alien to me.but, i realized that deep in my heart, i starting to enjoy and love everything. i just need to stay strong, n sincere in doing my job. then, everything will fall into places. insyaAllah. i'm just doing fine.

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

~When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us~

~what will the date be?~

I am very scared.

scared of being tired, give up, or might be lost in the middle of the life path..

as we growing older, things are become harder. every single things is on you now. you have the right to choose your own way. if you make mistakes, then you will regret for the rest of your life. but, nobody was born perfect. as we go to reach the perfections, we will do better.

being far from family or being alone is the hard things, even it's not the hardest, but it's still. no doubt. I have to be myself. do not easily influenced by others, or surrounding. it really freaking me out. i am scared if i will contribute to the increasing number of social problems nowadays. hopefully i did not. InsyaAllah. Dear Lord, protect me along the straight path.

i just scared when the times will come.. the times when my eyes will cease to blink. when the Angel of Death will be knocking at the door. what if i am invited to see Him when i am lost in searching the real meaning of life, lost in the worlds fantasy..what if i am too late to repent. too late to see the reality.. when it does not mean anything..i do not know. i m just scared. we do not know what the future holds.

it will happen to everyone. yes. death. it will come like a blow. sometimes we didn't expect it. the question is am i ready if i the next on line? .........

do not take God for granted.

"then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it! And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it!" -Al-zalzalah,99 : 7-8

~work~

super duper busy day!

i am still at the office, just finished my works..but still can't complete it by today..

but have time to blog ey?

rite now waiting for the rain to stop, as i didn't used to drive during rainy day..thinking off hiring a driver lah...hahaha..stop dreaming E!

i will busy for the whole December, hope i will mentally and physically prepared for that!

through it all just stand up!

~there always a light at the end of tunnel~

~mistakes~

have you ever feel like you regret somethings in your life? regret for the past mistakes..you just wish you can turn back time and fix those things back..If you belive in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be..

thats what i have been facing for.. but, we learn from mistakes rite? No matter how hard it was, no matter how bad it was, life goes on..try to change to the better and do not repeat the same mistakes again.. everything happens for a reason..He would not make it for nothing..only then, we realize and will thank Him.

I wanna apologize to anyone that ive done wrong, maybe my words, maybe my behavior..maybe my action that annoyed or irritated someone so badly..i just nothing..i try my very best to make everyone happy..trying so hard to please anyone..

~life is like a candle..we do not know when the wind will blew out the light~

~dont judge a book by its cover~

U don't want to be judge, so do not judge others.

U cant really know anyone with only one meeting..sometimes, it maybe take whole life time to really know someone.. A person that you can rely on and u trust for maybe can turn into someone that u mostly hate for..u really do not know what the future holds..so, be careful with whom u r friend with..n be wise in choosing your friends.

-today's thorn is tomorrow's flower~

~tensen update gune phone!

~something to ponder~

why the traffic got crawling or almost not moving every friday evening? actually almost every weekdays but it becomes worst when friday comes..maybe everyone is affordable to buy car..so, there are additional cars number on the road..n then, friday is the day where everyone go balik kampung like me maybe..

then i think. if people are more likely to use their own transport, should be no problems with using the public transport, but i totally wrong! but, no choice provided..as now is the raining season, so ive decided to travel using public transport..

actually i really hate being in the crowded place..that is what ive to bear when i took the komuter..i really dont understand why there are still inconsiderate people..ok,fine, everyone want to reach their destination on time..but please be polite..act as an adult..give way for others to go out first, instead of blocking their ways in front of the door and start to push each other..next things is there are still guys who pretend didn't understand what ladies coach means..come on la guys..just follow the rules cant u?

argh!

what to do kan? enough for today. sleepy already..tired with some peoples attitude that really makes me sick! but, dun care. i deserve to smile.

~everything is okay in the end..if its not okay, then its not the end..~

~be thankful~

i feel its a blessing when u sacrificed urself for others for good..n u never expect anything for return..

as for now, i think im enjoying my new life little by little..i try to view it from the positive perspective..i try to take it as a test from Him..He knows my sorrow, n He give it as i could bear it..i have to be grateful n thankful for everything that He has give me..

at least, He opened my eyes early, before its too late..before i give everything, n i have nothing..

u r rite kak kuna, have some self worth of myself first..

i hope things will fall into places..n just live my life to the fullest!

~its takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow~

~forget and forgive~

i wont forget it..i wont forget the way you treat me so badly. i wont forget every little things that you said. i wont forget how you yell at me. i wont forget how you chewed me up and spilled me out. i try not to forget and not to forgive.

I am only human, I have my own feelings too..i am not your pet..neither dog nor cat that you can shout at..if i am wrong, then just consult me..i can fixed my fault, apologize and amend it..but you make me like asking the forgiveness from a stone..i kept wondering, where is the value of our friendship to you? am i bothering you all this while? makes you annoying so much? what have i done wrong..please clarify.

you didn't even appreciate the moments that we spent together, shared the laughter and the pains..i do not know what changed you, but i will do as you ask for..i will walk away from your life, because all i ever wanted is to see you happy and if it makes you happy enough, its ok..i am alrite..but please DO NOT COME AGAIN IN MY LIFE..i mean that..others said, friendship stays..but you open up my eyes, that friendship mean nothing to you. pity you enough.

i wish i can be your pen to write down the happiness in life, or at least an eraser to erase your sorrow before, but now you make me feel like i have become a plastic bags..drifting through the wind.no one cares..or a ball..u kick when u want to. or a shirt. when u think u need it, u used it, otherwise u throw it under the bed.

i don't want to say much. Thanks. TQVM. Thanks because you have taught me something..and used to make me smile. not to forget, u also taught me how to cry a river.

~a bird that you set free may be caught again, but a word that escapes your lips will not return~

~rejoice!~

~born day ~

its been a long time act..but i think i want to portray it here, as it one of my greatest memory for this year..so that, i can remind not everything in this year sucks! at least, there's something that i can smile for..

im very surprised, n my eyes start watering..but i didn't want to cry in front of the girls..never feel appreciated like that before..but they do..

even some of the important persons in my life didn't wish,n maybe don't give a damn bout it, its ok..IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER..i don't want to associate myself to anyone who doesn't treat me well..i don't allowed them to overtake my self worth anymore. Don't even give them the privilage of friendship because I'll suck myself back into the delusion.

there are better days ahead!